points: 11

What do you say during sex?

non believer

featuredfunny

by Jsexy

submitted January 29th 2012

150 comments
what do you think? let everyone know!
What do you say during sex?
tagged:
comments (150)
I say Krishna
6 years ago
Vishnu sometimes....
6 years ago
I usually call an ex's name and ruin the mood.
6 years ago
i try not to say anything cause i am easily distracted
6 years ago
How can you remember that far back?
6 years ago
I say: "ALLLLAAAAAHHHHHHH"
I dont get to the Akbar part......
5 years ago
i dont get it
6 years ago
pay a hooker then
6 years ago
but then i'd be too embarressed to say anything
6 years ago
Do you take cheque?
6 years ago
He's British. They talk about wallpaper and the price of milk.
6 years ago
.....and the Queen
6 years ago
you forgot about tea
6 years ago
and the Spice Girls
6 years ago
and Wimbledon
6 years ago
& the shitty weather
6 years ago
aaaand football/Beckham
6 years ago
its soccer and beckham plays for a team in california, i doubt teaniggers give a fuck
6 years ago
instead of yelling "im cumming!..i'm cumming!..i'm ccccccuuummminggggg!", the British get a poker look on their face and say "ah..ah..ahhhh, i'm arriving!"...
5 years ago
"Whatcha thinkin'?"
6 years ago
im super silent and the only time you know when i cum is when you hear a deep but sqeeky fart followd by a "ahhhhhhh", cus i got more satisfaction from the fart.
6 years ago
I think I may have dated you a few months ago
6 years ago
you should try dating someone who actually cares about your feelings while having intercourse with you
6 years ago
i was talken about my girlfriend i would never do it to someone i barely no. like a one nightstand
6 years ago
...or someone that really enjoys eating pussy such as myself.
6 years ago
dammit jsexy...you interposting bastage! :-P
6 years ago
6 years ago
Haha. Only during angry sex
6 years ago
I say "shut up or I will kill your parents" then I shove the pacifier back in her mouth.
6 years ago
do you change the diaper after? atleast?
6 years ago
I keep the diaper as a trophy.
6 years ago
Is she's using a pacifier, I wouldn't think she'd understand the threat. You might need a pop-up book.
6 years ago
fffuuuuk-AAAA
6 years ago
ooooohhhh yeeeeaaahhhh .....
6 years ago
"Get the fuck off of me"
6 years ago
you have grey nostril hairs
6 years ago
I had a girl say that to me once. well she said "ok I am done with you, get off me now"
I was insulted at first, but then I thought it was hot somehow.
5 years ago
my ex girlfriend use to cry during sex
6 years ago
I think most anyone would cry with you on top of them.
6 years ago
your mom seem fine with it. (thatdude420 laughs at momma joke)
6 years ago
that's disgusting
6 years ago
I just let my dick speak for itself...doesn't really say much, though.
6 years ago
I've discovered the joys of butter during sex -
I smear it on the door handle to stop the kids from getting away.
6 years ago
* drumrave gags and stops trying oral *


"uh suck it?"

"wheres that condom?"

"why do I keep slipping out? Here you get on top"

"you're tired? fine whatever I'll just jack off"
6 years ago
:(
6 years ago
It's okay, he'll be ready to try again later.
6 years ago
I just reread, i should have rephrased the
* drumrave part... Fucking sleepyheadeddrum *

*gags from the smell and stops trying to lick her vagina
6 years ago
It kind of gave the whole comment a gay tone.
6 years ago
woah testing
* drumrave something *
6 years ago
I typed "I should have rephrased the / me part..."
and well i guess you don't need it on a separate line
6 years ago
i don't get it...did they change the definition of funny while I was out
6 years ago
no you are just a humorless bastard
6 years ago
you know, you make yourself a super easy person to hate. Like hitler had to commit mass genocide AND be defeated to be as hated as you are
6 years ago
so your saying i'm easy...
6 years ago
something like that
6 years ago
aww you really care
6 years ago
I'm usually thinking..YES YES YES, "oh sorry", this usually doesn't happen
6 years ago
Heavy if not hard, man. Heavy if not hard.
6 years ago
Didn't you used to call me Judy. Actually I know you did, what was up with that anyway?
6 years ago
When I'm hard, it gets heavy.
6 years ago
I don't think that was me...

Terrapin, the idea is that if you cum a little quick, you better hope it stays heavy, if not hard.
6 years ago
I take it back, I did call you Judy on your hat picture. I have no idea why.
6 years ago
Im going to find that post where you call me Judy, it may take a little bit but I'm sure of it. And it wasn't just once, I think thats what you used to call me for some reason...hahaha stays heavy, I like that.
6 years ago
Smerf, check out Miss 2012 or whatever the fuck it is, I posted you calling me that like 3 or 4 times. Weird. Its even weirder that I kind of liked it. is that weird. Did I overuse the word weird? I think I may have.
6 years ago
Calm down, you're being weird.
6 years ago
...In case you didn't notice (which you didn't), I already commented on that thread.
6 years ago
Damn Jones was just about to say that...
6 years ago
I am sure I was typing while you were sending the post Smerf. And you can calm down too Jones. Settle down now.
6 years ago
Nothing.
6 years ago
Just wordless moans?
6 years ago
I don't even moan. Probably would if a guy could actually succeed at satisfying me.
6 years ago
well thats a shame, wanna try a guy with average size dick?
6 years ago
Been there, done that. No difference.
6 years ago
Yeah, that's just kinda sad.
6 years ago
Yeah.... I've just accepted the inevitable now.
6 years ago
I'd be willing to give it a try, though...
6 years ago
You'd still fail.
6 years ago
Well, you're not going to get anywhere with THAT attitude.

I'd still like to try.
6 years ago
I am a little confused, though. You claim to love wood, and like giving blowjobs, but dick doesn't do anything for you.

How does that one work?
6 years ago
dildos are her best friend.
6 years ago
it works like a guy hasnt gotten her off yet
6 years ago
this isnt rocket appliances...
6 years ago
The says she loves cock, but that it doesn't do anything for her.
6 years ago
Well, I used to be totally fine with keeping them happy. Only recently it's become apparent to me that it's actually not fair for me to make all the effort and be rewarded with absolutely nothing.
6 years ago
Oster, I don't have toys.
6 years ago
I can be a toy
6 years ago
Kidding, Seems like there are some psychological problems.
6 years ago
Guess so.
* fluffernutter fails. *
6 years ago
Have you tried jrob's monster?
6 years ago
^ he has. Why do you think Jrob is getting the football radio.
6 years ago
I would go there.
6 years ago
have you ever even experienced an orgasm? -Like via masturbation at least?

I actually had a girlfriend like that in college, had never had an orgasm with a man. The key was lots of oral sex. And toys. And putting my finger in her butt.
6 years ago
a girl like that isn't worth your time, move on
6 years ago
Wow, she was stupidly high maintenance.
6 years ago
bloody dingos
6 years ago
am i right?
6 years ago
NAH, she was plenty fun! She just needed some training. She grew up an ultra conservative bible thumper. I just had to get the freak out of her. Every girl has it, you just gotta uncage the beast. ;)

Funny thing is we're actually still good friends. She blames me for turning her into a slut, lol.
6 years ago
I can't orgasm with just intercourse, I have to have clitoral stimulation...that's where toys come in.
6 years ago
Stop putting images into our heads.
6 years ago
Bono...you have an attention problem.
6 years ago
I didn't put an image in your head, that was HARDLY detailed. If you want an image I will give you an image if you don't STFU.
6 years ago
An attention problem?

You're a whale and made me think of your hairy wet snapper getting reamed by your fatbody boyfriend.

You're basically a female drumrave, so don't pull that shit with me you cockmongler.

6 years ago
doo eeet JenE!!!!
6 years ago
#1 my boyfriend isn't fat. #2 it's not hairy.
6 years ago
#1 pics or #2 it didnt happen
6 years ago
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6 years ago
I'm still adamant that it's far too much required effort on your part Gith. I'm a strong believer in 'sex should NOT be difficult to enjoy'. I guess I've just had an abundance of dud roots.
* fluffernutter queues awkwardness when the last guy I was screwing (a defined Mucho lurker) reads that and texts me. *

I agree, however, that we all have a wild side. Mucho certainly accentuates mine.
6 years ago
Required effort? What's so hard about sitting on a guy's face while holding a vibrator on your clit? Trust me, he won't mind.
6 years ago
Bono, I think its pretty fucking obvious who the attention whore is here.

Pro Tip: You're trying too hard. Relax. Steal one of your mom's wine coolers. Smoke a blunt. Whatever. Chill the fuck out dude, you're embarrassing yourself.
6 years ago
I don't receive oral. Never have, never will. I also don't use toys. So your theory is useless for me.
6 years ago
see, that just seems pretty weird, fluff...not the toy thing, not even the "never have received oral"...it's the "never will" that makes me do the wtf? dance...
6 years ago
* possum ambles, and looks for something dumb to sub now *
6 years ago
Surprise possum, not all girls are the same. Just like not all guys like getting oral sex, in fact I actually know a few who hate it.

For me it's predominately a body image issue, with the addition of firmly believing a person's face should not be in that region. By the same token, I understand that I enjoy giving and some may think it's no different, but for me it differs greatly... it's rather difficult to explain to someone who can't comprehend my perception. Hell I flatly refuse to even shower with another person.

* fluffernutter sings, foreeeeevvvveeerrr alooooooone *
6 years ago
a guy that doesnt like bjs?
* jrob2020 is perplexed *
6 years ago
i think i get it...one of my exes had this" "asses and faces DO NOT MIX" thing...
6 years ago
...she did love it up the arse though...
6 years ago
Seems your ex and are on the same wavelength.
6 years ago
not anymore, fluff :(
6 years ago
Though I don't share the pro-anal opinion... just for clarification.
6 years ago
Has she since converted?
6 years ago
what about titty-fucks?
not trying to be crude - just dont know any other name for it
6 years ago
@fluff - no - she is currently dead
6 years ago
Perfectly acceptable terminology. And yes.
6 years ago
SMH...

Oh well, your loss chica!
6 years ago
*Mammary Intercourse
6 years ago
* possum subs vid now *
6 years ago
* fluffernutter stares blankly *

I'm sorry to hear.
At the expense of sounding like a righteous cunt, I must ask... you typed 'currently dead'... does this mean the zombie attack truly is imminent?
6 years ago
She had a nice ass, if it was Lori.
6 years ago
This whole conversation is actually slightly depressing to me.

I get that you don't have orgasms, but do you at least enjoy sex?
6 years ago
Well, it's better than a slap in the face.
6 years ago
lol
6 years ago
To be absolutely honest, I enjoy the idea of it much more than the act itself. For me, the lead up - which generally only involves communicated words and imagery - is in fact the best part.
6 years ago
All about the foreplay, then.
6 years ago
naw - its all aboot who pays for dinner i think
6 years ago
I really enjoyed this. My favorite part was probably when my dick firedaten foot harpoon of jizz right out of my pants. Anyway, can I buy you some shit? Hit me up if you ever need one more guy to come hang out inside your vastly populated friend zone full of dudes secretly masturbating to your online bathing suit commercials. In conclusion, I'd rate you a 6.5 out of 10, because you have too many pets, and can't afford to take a vacation.
6 years ago
If you want to purchase shit Bono, that's fine.. but keep in mind it's your fetish, not mine.
6 years ago
Rule 29: on the internet all girls are men and all kids are FBI agents
6 years ago
That actually rhymed. I actually did something right for once.

@Smerf - is it technically still foreplay when there isn't any physical contact involved at all?
6 years ago
Foreplay is pretty much anything done to increase desire and arousal.
6 years ago
It can include both physical and non-physical acts.
6 years ago
Wow, Bono is actually getting creative in his trolling. Well played, sir.
6 years ago
Meh, I'm yet to see anything of worth.
6 years ago
I've*
6 years ago
I had a girlfriend who always went after blond guys. Until he met me and now he is not interested in white guys at all.
same thing with another girl I dated who liked darker guys and she said she met this black guy and she would cum more than 20 times and squirt like crazy during sex with him.
Fluffy maybe you need to experience a Persian for once?! ;)
5 years ago
Science H. Logic!
6 years ago
Random fluctuations of the space-time continuum!
6 years ago
RUN, RUN, R-U-N?
6 years ago
"The Overlords are pleased!"
6 years ago
Darwin DARWIN
5 years ago
recover password
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