points: 8

Two Asses

Which one is more full of shit?

featuredwtf

by Dick_Richards

submitted July 6th 2015

265 comments
what do you think? let everyone know!
Two Asses
tagged:
comments (265)
2asses + dumbass who subbed it
2 years ago
+ the dumbass who got first comment on it.
2 years ago
That's exactly where he needs to be, or should I say, that's where he usually is, up somebodies ass!
2 years ago
Not sure it beats having Rob Halford tattooed on the cheek like a buddy of mine
2 years ago
Get a picture of that.
2 years ago
Should have centered it.
2 years ago
That'd be fitting for a seagull tattoo
2 years ago
So gay for me
2 years ago
You mean "I'm so gay, yay for me!" Right?
2 years ago
Be the rainbow, stevie.
2 years ago
See that fence? That's what divides the fans and the stars, just stay on your side, ogle me all you want, and maybe one day you'll get an autograph or even a photo op.

But never mistake yourself for being my equal.
2 years ago
Are you ever not an pissy, arrogant ass-worm?
2 years ago
And here I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly
2 years ago
a) I'm not fat... yet

b) that you suck at thinking is old news
2 years ago
c) I'm not even arrogant, there's just no competition
2 years ago
Your dear old mom did quite the hachet job on that psyche of yours, didn't she...
2 years ago
Write me a nice wall of text now...
2 years ago
just like years of weed did on yours....

also

Sprinkles
Mom joke.

That's FRESH, YO!
4 days ago
report spam | like | 1 likes | stfu
2 years ago
* Steven_Seagull puts on music *


EVERYBODY LETS DO THE DOUBLE STANDARD!! AND A ONE A TWO....
2 years ago
* Steven_Seagull scribbles signature on dry cleaning receipt *


there, now go play...
2 years ago
What you said the other day was a lame mom joke while what I just said was a statement of fact based on your behavior here.

Big difference, my twin-chinned feathered friend.
2 years ago
Now, where's that wall of text you owe me?
2 years ago
i owe you less than a fart.

and you don't know what "fact" means. i'm still waiting for the day you accidently use a word correctly.
2 years ago
Sprinkles being a failed troll as usual
2 years ago
NONONO! he's awesome at trolling, I'm totes mad!
2 years ago
Unrelated:

Germany sure is ugly this time of the year.....
Greetings from historic Heidelberg you bunch of shut-ins
http://i.imgur.com/HyFyi1m.jpg
2 years ago
Ive fucking been almost exactly right there and now im bragging about it!
i love that fuckin old shithole country.

Related:stevie,why you always look like you are on the edge of crying?..un-furrow that brow my friend!
2 years ago
I've been right there, too. It was bizarre because they were using American money like it was there own.
2 years ago
their*
2 years ago
i think i ate at a cafe journal or whatever it was called there..had some steins of good hefeweizen too..best trip ever
2 years ago
He looks that way cause he knows what's gonna happen in a somewhat close future
2 years ago
thats what im tawkin about mewcho

http://i.imgur.com/JMZHbSs.jpg
2 years ago
Lol, 2001
* loslobos scopes pic for syringe *
2 years ago
that was tinski..not me..ive never stuck a needle up in me except to give blood
2 years ago
and thats when i went to holland/germany
what were you lobo,12?
2 years ago
11 thank you very much!
I went to Amsterdam at 12, best trip ever
2 years ago
No that was jerkstore
2 years ago
RIP
2 years ago
Amsterdam was the most fun but the swiss alps were nice as well. That chocolate be the best
2 years ago
Only my loved ones get to see me smile.
2 years ago
"Just smile, girl with me baby..."
2 years ago
you made no sense Hooker
2 years ago
could be a breast
2 years ago
your face is a breast
2 years ago
Hey guys I'm pretty desperate right now. Any one willing to help me out? https://www.gofundme.com/travisfoltz if you donate I'll take video requests and upload it for you
2 years ago
FYNW!!!
2 years ago
:(
2 years ago
yak's rich...ask him.
2 years ago
Your name is Travis?
2 years ago
Yeah, ask yak if you can have some of your money back.
2 years ago
Hell...Travis beats Foltz ffs.
2 years ago
Travis Foltz aka travvy, aka trekt, aka travvy two cups
2 years ago
I tried uploading a set but it didn't work
2 years ago
*growing
2 years ago
This is the most faggot ass desperate bullshit I've ever seen on here. And there was camwhores with shoes on their head, a yellow guy with assrash.... and zeke.
2 years ago
you might want to work on your act crumbsave...i mean THE WHOLE fucking act.Maybe start out with a joke..then work in another joke.Not one funny thing was said.
And take your lame millennial bullshit politics and shove em up your beaner ass..dumb fuckin kids actually think you know something
2 years ago
ill give you credit for having the gut to stand up there though

wait there was this one funny bit you did
"if you could imagine me at 30 or 40 lbs heavier"
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
2 years ago
hell..you could ask dangerous dung to help you out on your routine..that hillbilly is naturally funny
2 years ago
do that bit where you sit there with a massive bowl of cake and ice cream and you run your fingers through your greasy hair..then lick ice cream off them.
2 years ago
I've seen more dignity in the faces of gypsy beggars sitting on the street season after season than Drum's hand-out plea
2 years ago
Get a job you fucking soft-palmed hipster
2 years ago
so, since drums linked to his awful gofundme which links to his awful youtube, i consider it okay to leave this here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBBqDQIhjwQ

jump to 3:30 to see the magic happen!

2 years ago
also, you`re not funny travis. not even a little.
2 years ago
Travvy D cups
2 years ago
I'm going to donate 10 thousand
2 years ago
They don't accept pesos.
2 years ago
Cool i was going to donate euros
2 years ago
Go right ahead.
2 years ago
Drums might be an investment in the future if i started him out i could be his agent and make money in the future
2 years ago
drum's house on a Sunday https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loLvbhuTh8c
2 years ago
How did that trannies butthole taste is what I wanna know
2 years ago
He couldn't get a good lick in because he kept running his hands through his unwashed hair and saying "uhhh, so like, uhhhh..."
2 years ago
* this comment has been transformed into a random dead baby joke *
What do you get when you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
Deep Throat.
2 years ago
He has no stage awareness whatsoever. Slurs his words, fucks up his deliveries, uses a shit town of filler words and needs 2 minutes of boring contrived exposition to set up a weak punch line.
Nigger needs to practice his writing, going on stage with this level of preparedness is futile nonsense.
2 years ago
Oh he was cute back then.
2 years ago
He has the homeless look and the smoker's cough down, so at least he's got that going for him. Maybe he's trying to be Bill Hicks.
2 years ago
Like a piglet on a spit.
2 years ago
He should try to be Fat Armisen
2 years ago
Who?
2 years ago
Fred Armisen. Drummy could be Fat Armisen, get it?

Armisen is an unfunny hipster fyi
2 years ago
Oh. First time I've heard of either one.
2 years ago
Why do you want to know what a trannies butthole taste like loslobos . Wtf is your problem
2 years ago
Gimme thousand pesos and I'll tell you
2 years ago
That's about $63 U.S....540 Swedish krona
2 years ago
Wow, drummy's Shit site has a 5 dollar minimum and no PayPal.

Denied!

But I doubt he would've fulfilled my sharper in ads video request.
2 years ago
Sharpie*
2 years ago
*ass
People have done worse for free
2 years ago
Also ass*

Fucking phone!
2 years ago
Yeah. But I wanted to make drummy a whore.
2 years ago
DONT YOU STFU ME , WOMAN! !
2 years ago
goddammit
2 years ago
EVERYONE WANTS TO BE LIKE PUNKY!#!@@@

YOU SUCK (BLOW) BIRD!!!

JUST KIDDING BRASEPH, I'D SHARE A LINE WITH YOU ANYTIME!!!
2 years ago
frightening
2 years ago
Don't start that shit.
2 years ago
HEY LOS YOU SEXY PLANK! IM PLANNING A TRIP TO SWEDELAND

WE SHOULD HOOK UP@@@

2 years ago
thanks for the support you guys it means a lot to me!
2 years ago
8)

I MISSED YOU GUYS!!!!
2 years ago
"You sexy plank" lmao
2 years ago
HEY DRUMS YOU FAT (LARGE) FAGGOT!!!!

WANNA SHARE A LINE???
2 years ago
i don't do coke
2 years ago
I like dr pepper
2 years ago
ILL SPLIT HER SKINNY ASS WIDE OPEN WITH MY 9ER
2 years ago
here's another set of mine https://www.facebook.com/mike.burks.963/videos/10101192883079969/?pnref=story
2 years ago
You seem more of a Mountain Dew kinda guy
2 years ago
ILL HAVE SPLINTERS ON MY COCK!!!

8=====D~~~~~
2 years ago
Fuck off
2 years ago
Drums Favorite soft drink is canola and koolaid
2 years ago
LOS!!!@@@! WOMAN YOU NEED MY MEAT FLUTE ON YOUR LIPS
2 years ago
"Yeah, hey, like...uhhhh...yeah!...Uhhhh..." Such wit, drum.
2 years ago
I'm still working on my act, I am getting better but it takes time, I've only been doing this for a little more than a month. And most times I'm up there I'm getting laughs
2 years ago
WHERE DID SEAGULL GO???!?!?!??! BETTER NOT BE SNITCHING ON ME TO YAK!!!!! ILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FILL YOUR ASS WITH MY MAN GOO FAGGOT!!!

8)))
2 years ago
Cute little los gotta love that stupid bitch
2 years ago
No, you're not. They were being nice, dude. That's the "this guy is lame but I paid a shitty cover charge, so I'll laugh anyway" crowd.
2 years ago
no cover charges my dude
2 years ago
YOU BETTER GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER DUMBS (DRUMS) BEFORE ITA TOO LATE BRAH!!!
2 years ago
Drums, you don't have to make excuses as to why you're broke. It's okay.
2 years ago
Just get a job waiting tables and tell everyone that you're an "actor."
2 years ago
YAK JUST EMAILED ME SAYING THAT STEVEN IS ANNOYED WITH ME AND IF I DONT STOP ILL BE BANNED AGAIN! OH MY FUCKING GOD SEAGULL!!!#!@
2 years ago
you fuckers are like my depression. I haven't let that bring me down either
2 years ago
Shut up.
2 years ago
Yea drums
2 years ago
CRYAX!!! WHER YOU BEEN BRAH!???? I THOUGHT YOU SIED WHEN YOUR APPLE CART FELL OVER ON YOU!!!
2 years ago
*DIED

8))))
2 years ago
LL, from now on, you will be known as "The Sexy Plank."
2 years ago
I GET 10 CENTS EVERYTIME SOMEONE USES THAT!!
2 years ago
Fucking yay and stuff
2 years ago
*CHA-CHING!"
2 years ago
BTW the two sets I've recorded are only part of my repetire. I've been working on a couple jokes specifically, getting them to the point of set up punch line, set up punch line.
2 years ago
TL;DR
2 years ago
drums, I watched that fb video as well. You're super sloppy and you material is disjointed, ill conceived and has the overall flair of a not too bright guy getting high, watching the discovery channel and jotting down "funny thoughts", then taking them to an open Mic to annoy honest drinkers.
2 years ago
LOS YOU SEXY PLANK!!! STOP TELLING ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP@@!@

YOU NEED TO SWALLOW 8INCHES OF MY 9 INCHER WOMAN!!!
2 years ago
german's just aren't funny people. The only time I've seen German's laughing is on WWII documentaries
2 years ago
Ill CURE YOU OF YOUR FEMINISM I PROMISE!!!@!@ALL YOU NEED IS MY 9ER!@!!!


8=====D~~~
2 years ago
"This guy sucks, but I paid $8 a drink just to see his lame ass, so I'm gonna get my laugh on."
2 years ago
and mako's just hating cause I haven't been around for him to poke fun at
2 years ago
THAT LAST ONE WAS FOR LOS AND HER NEED FOR MY TUBE STEAK!!@!!@


8))))
2 years ago
* Mako was going through withdrawal. Zeke hasn't been around either. *
2 years ago
dude, we get drinks for as little as $2 for tecate's or $3 for sweetwater 420
2 years ago
dude these bars that do open mics are legit though. I can go spend $15 and get sloppy drunk
2 years ago
Yeah, that doesn't change the fact that you suck. Maybe wash before going up there, and stop acting like a shy teenager asking a girl to prom.
2 years ago
And stop drinking shitty beer. You're an adult now.
2 years ago
I MISS THAT LITTLE GUY TOO MAKO. IVE GOT AN 8 BALL READY FOR WHEN HE COMES AND VISITS. 8)))
2 years ago
Don't be racist about my constructive criticism you ass.

Granted it was more than 12 years ago, but I was the king of the open Mic.
2 years ago
YOUR KING OF THE PORK SWORDS STEVIE!!!
2 years ago
An 8 ball as in crack rock, or a "all signs point to yes" 8 ball...or an actual 8 ball from a billiard set?
* Mako is confused. *
2 years ago
SERIOUS TLAK BROSEPH. GETMANS ARENT FUNNY AT ALL. ID STILL DO A LINE (BAG) WITH YOU BUT FACE IT. NO FUNNY FROM GERMANS. 8(
2 years ago
It's a ball of tin foil with a crushed v8 can in the middle.
2 years ago
It helps him think.
2 years ago
Keeps the goblins away, too.
2 years ago
I DO IT ALL MAKO!!@!@!@!

2 years ago
I'm even funnier than yaks face
2 years ago
whammy.
2 years ago
YAK!!#@@@ UNBAN MY ORIGINAL ACCOUNT!!@!!

GO WITH THE FLOW AND ILL UPLOAD A VIDEO OF ME FEEDING MY MEAT SNAKE TO LOS!!@!@

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DcHKOC64KnE
2 years ago
I NEED MY PRO ACCOUNT YAK!!@!@@@
2 years ago
8(((
2 years ago
Stop it possum
2 years ago
Oh don't even try that.
2 years ago
Well this one isn't mine
2 years ago
It's funny in small doses. That's about it.
2 years ago
I could say that about anything, though.
2 years ago
like my stand up?
2 years ago
No. Ever see Louis CK's old shit from when he was on Star Search? Takes years of failed jokes to get where he's at.
2 years ago
Hahaha I told punky that he was unbanned fucker believed me.
2 years ago
Now THAT'S funny.
2 years ago
He messaged me complaining. What a tool.
2 years ago
mako, I'm prepared for that
2 years ago
Drum just keep at it. You'll find your nitch.
2 years ago
holy shit oster being supportive, mucho really has changed
2 years ago
like shit you are prepared, you're e-begging for money to "start your career".

get a job. annoying people several nights a week without making an effort is not a dream. it's a delusion
2 years ago
I refuse to step on someone's dreams. I'm working hard to achieve mine, I would like to see others achieve theirs.
2 years ago
Gull let him turn this "delusion" into a reality. Stop being duck a fag got all the time. You might actually have friends in real life sour puss.
2 years ago
Fucking faggot* phone errors.
2 years ago
i was encouraging him to put some actual work into it. all i've seen so far is just lazy.
2 years ago
My little cousin had her birthday last weekend.. she asked me to stop smoking it's the only thing she wanted..

I bought her a bike.
2 years ago
shouldve bought her some smokes
2 years ago
Yea. That would be a great idea. Thanks for your deposit in the thought account.
2 years ago
drum should take notes
2 years ago
That's why I posted it.
2 years ago
I've written about 80 pages, and I go on stage 4-5 minutes a time, 3 times a week. I am putting in my work. I'm also applying for every part time job I can find. It is hard as fuck out there right now, still, 7 years removed from the economic crash. The reason it looks as if I'm coming off lazy, I've been off my meds for 2 months now and it makes doing the simplest tasks hard
2 years ago
http://i.imgur.com/iQe4uCd.jpg To go with your whine...
2 years ago
I'm at a hydro store and the owner looks like possum.
2 years ago
Pics, dammit!
2 years ago
thyt chee looks delish
2 years ago
It does.
2 years ago
It's gonna be hard to get a pic.
2 years ago
I hate when I see something that's Mucho gold, and I can't get a pic without being blatantly obvious.
2 years ago
His partner looks like dik I got that pic
2 years ago
Shark mucho mail
2 years ago
Fuck, Drum. You stopped meds cold turkey?
2 years ago
* Mako no haz mucho mail. You should post it, oster. *
2 years ago
Some of the shittiest, most bizarre and brutal times of my life've been stopping antidepressants cold.
2 years ago
I'll try from my phone
2 years ago
Oster lies about muchomail
2 years ago
Yeah, that's not a good idea.
2 years ago
no, he subsituted the meds for cold turkey.






and other deli meats.
2 years ago
Oh. Well he should be fine then.
2 years ago
Meds or not, deli meats are still delicious. Fuck, I got a grocery list over here between the cold cuts and the cheese.
2 years ago
I think I like the cheeses better than the meats.
2 years ago
The one on the far right of the pic looks good. Probably has a sharper taste to it.
2 years ago
Up
2 years ago
had to, $4 a pill and $0 and no insurance
2 years ago
Sucks. Why not Obamacare?
2 years ago
It might be for the better. Stay off the shit and when you start making some money, see a cognitive therapist.
2 years ago
Obamacare.... the cure for everything
2 years ago
Or stay fucked up and use it as material.
2 years ago
Shut the fuck up. Free healthcare isn't a bad idea. Parts of mandatory healthcare blow but for someone with no income, it's better than nothing.
2 years ago
There's no point. He's an unfunny broken record.
2 years ago
It is great.... take down a perfectly good healthcare system and run it like the VA hospital. So we all can have welfare healthcare. Three cheers for Obama.
2 years ago
Beta retard
2 years ago
Betard
2 years ago
I know it is a notch up from the walmart healthcare you are used to Urkey, but most of us get fucked with it.
2 years ago
You got bigger fish to fry than worry about the US healthcare system anyhow Stevie.... You need to get on to that whole Fix Greece thing
2 years ago
I am sure you progressive thinking Europeans got that shit figured out just like you do everything else.
2 years ago
The fuck do you know about Greece?

Less than I do about US healthcare, that's for sure.

Could you even find Greece on a map?
2 years ago
It is in the EU.... fix it Stevie. Should have never fucked up with all those progressive ideas you have over there. Free Healthcare for all and to all a good night
2 years ago
http://i.imgur.com/gKUmai5.jpg
2 years ago
The funny thing about the Orbrarometer healthcare is nothing really changed for most people. A slight increase in payment but those filthy freeloading working poor bastards with nothing to show for their hard work get healthcare, those menial losers.
2 years ago
Slight .... haha
2 years ago
Hey but we got gay marriage nation wide now. ^5
http://i.imgur.com/xV61pOl.jpg
2 years ago
Dump, how much did your healthcare go up?
2 years ago
I don't understand the disdain people like you have for genuinely needy people.
2 years ago
Help the needy no problem, but fuck everyone elses.... that is not the way to do it
2 years ago
Haha Walmart healthcare. I get raped on healthcare more than you get raped by puppynuts.
2 years ago
Mine went from 98.56 every 2 weeks up to 141.18 every two weeks with a bigger deductible and worse coverage
2 years ago
So yeah.... I pay 100 bucks extra a month for less..... why should I be bitter ?
2 years ago
http://i.imgur.com/9eW6GaT.gifv
2 years ago
That's nothing.
2 years ago
Cool.... will you pay mine then please. Then I will be happy like everyone else who can't afford it and now have it
2 years ago
Youve been fucked by the healthcare?
2 years ago
I don't believe that. I'm gunna need to see a pay stub.
2 years ago
How do you think the government payed for "free healthcare" ... magic ?
2 years ago
Who's alt is that? Fuck alts.
2 years ago
No. I never said it's perfect though.

But, eh. If you're paying that much it looks like you need some Obamacare.
2 years ago
Might as well I am paying for it
2 years ago
When the increase happened with me was Jan. 1st 2014 . Just pisses me off to pay more for less
2 years ago
Yeh, that does suck. My point is for Drum, with nothing, apparently, the coverage could possibly help him get mess at least.
2 years ago
That is fine.... just should be a way to do it that just helps the poor, like with welfare etc without fucking the whole system
2 years ago
meds*
2 years ago
Yeh, I agree.
2 years ago
Meh.... doesn't matter what I want anyhow..... government is gonna take what they want anyhow.
2 years ago
Insurance is fucked no matter what though.

My parents can't get good coverage because at their age they're a liability. The fuck, right? The people who need healthcare the most can't get it with out paying through the roof, and even then the coverage is marginal.
2 years ago
Yeah..... that is fucked. No real good solution for stuff like that.
2 years ago
WTF Drums....stop being a pussy.
2 years ago
Wow.... never seen the whole Drum thing until now.
2 years ago
Licking a transsexuals asshole is undoubtedly GAY
2 years ago
I just had to read this whole thread...........very sad. I really hope you get your shit together and I don't think that is gonna be with your comedy act. P.S. your gofundme fucking site is a piece of shit that takes 5% off the top.
2 years ago
im going to donate over half of the money prince marcus from chad is leaving me
2 years ago
I guess I don't fucking matter, no one is trying to help me at all. And no matter how hard I try I just get shitted on. So fuck me
2 years ago
Somebody call the waaa-mbulance
2 years ago
Stop the fucking whining You spoiled brat.

Learn to earn.
2 years ago
what the fuck about depression do you assholes not understand
2 years ago
Drums likes wieners. That's what I understand.
2 years ago
Drums likes being a child.
2 years ago
RESPONSIBILITIES ARE HARD YO
2 years ago
Living proof that you shouldn't mucho as a child.
2 years ago
What the fucking fuck dude....
2 years ago
Drums comes on mucho, expects some sort of unwarranted sympathy.
2 years ago
Poor showing. I felt bad for the dude until he started feeling bad for himself.
2 years ago
He's a faggotass wimp
2 years ago
Zeke should be Drums mentor, it's like reading what a younger version of Zeke would say. That self-pity. How unattractive
2 years ago
I've been trying to slap this kid straight for ages...
2 years ago
It's not gonna work, his parents already tried that.
2 years ago
Jesus Christ, you whiny fucking pussy. Man the fuck up, take responsibility, and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

Goddamn. Earn something. It's not all handed to you
2 years ago
No wonder drums got fired....
2 years ago
recover password
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