points: -2722

Your going to hate me for this

Heaven. You get to wear white and walk on gold streets. Castles of gold and everybody is glad to see you. I wonder if they have decent beer and sex in Heaven?

religion

by Squidley

submitted December 2nd 2012

70 comments
what do you think? let everyone know!
Your going to hate me for this
tagged:
comments (70)
Seriously squid this is fucking lame even for you.
5 years ago
Heaven apparently is also home to giant Asians.
5 years ago
Is that Richard Ramirez on the left?
5 years ago
a week before he decided to nightstalk
5 years ago
Love the Trollbasher upvote.
5 years ago
Okay, let's play the religion game. First, most christian sects believe that once in heaven you lose your genitals and become asexual. As in, you won't have sex in heaven, because:
1. it's for procreation only and not for pleasure and
2. " At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven." -Matthew 22:30

There will be no alcohol in heaven.
* "And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, " -Ephesians 5:18
* "You and your descendants must never drink wine or any other alcoholic drink before going into the Tabernacle. If you do, you will die. This is a permanent law for you, and it must be observed from generation to generation." -Leviticus 10:9
* " they must abstain from wine and other fermented drink and must not drink vinegar made from wine or other fermented drink. They must not drink grape juice or eat grapes or raisins." -Numbers 6:3
* " Now see to it that you drink no wine or other fermented drink and that you do not eat anything unclean." -Judges 13:4 and etc.

And finally the whole purpose of being in heaven is to worship god for all eternity.
* " After this I looked, and there before me was a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and before the Lamb. They were wearing white robes and were holding palm branches in their hands. 10 And they cried out in a loud voice:
'Salvation belongs to our God,
who sits on the throne,
and to the Lamb.'" -Revelation 7:9-10

*No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him." -Revelation 22:3

TL;DR: You won't be drinking, or having sex. Heaven will be boring unless you consider 24/7 worshipping of god a fun time because that's all you will be doing
5 years ago
Sounds like hell to me.
5 years ago
"heaven is...a place where nothing ever happens"
5 years ago
So Mucho is Heaven?
5 years ago
"the band in heaven
plays your favorite song
plays it one more time
plays it all night long"
5 years ago
So Yak's heaven is like that Caramel Dance video?
5 years ago
I got 3 likes on my comment? Like 3 people actually read that whole thing? Cool I guess
5 years ago
Problem is one of my likes is much worse than like 5 normal stfu's.
5 years ago
drum it was good.
5 years ago
problem is I make more sense while I'm legally intoxicated than a bible believing christian any time of the day
5 years ago
also, it's funny that I took about 20 minutes, maybe 30, to find the verses to complete my argument because I have a thorough understanding of the bible from when I used to practice and believe that shit. And as an atheist I probably have a more versed understanding of the bible than people who believe
5 years ago
Pretty much every atheist does. It's simple counter-argument. Besides people who actually read it see past the bullshit, therefore become atheist.
5 years ago
To be fair, I read a lot of scripture from the bible, but never the whole thing. I didn't admit to myself that I am an atheist until much later after reading "Candide" and being a 'deist'
5 years ago
*hipster
5 years ago
I just know it works for some people. If you have the faith to back it up you can make your double headed dildo your God and you'll be good. It just takes faith. And abandoning reason/logic. Faith is for the weak, but then again it saved my old man.
5 years ago
(I know possum's gonna fucking love my comment)
5 years ago
Who are you?
5 years ago
*Ezo listens to The Who*
Damnit I need pro :(
5 years ago
i agree BL - that's why i dont jump on the faith-slamming bandwagon
5 years ago
maybe for xmas ezo?
5 years ago
Maybe!
5 years ago
just have faith
5 years ago
you can have faith in whatever the hell you want, just don't come peddling your wares at my front door
5 years ago
yupyup
5 years ago
I have never seen my mom cry. The closest she ever got to crying was the day that I told her I don't believe in god. The thought that heaven may not exist was too much for her to bare, as her mother and brother died within a year of each other when she was 16/17 years old. The idea that she would never see them again broke her heart. I don't bring that up around her anymore because I realize that it means more to her to have that faith/hope. However, for some people, like my older brother, religion is a tool he uses against me in an effort to prove such and such arugment
5 years ago
deep thoughts there drums.
5 years ago
Then your brother's a dick.
5 years ago
smerf, yes and no, but religion and politics he is. My SIL made a post on FB about obama being elected and I commented on it and my brother texted me I guess to stick up for his wife, he said (among other texts) "You are just like Obama spend all your money you have and gone nearly bankrupt doing it. That's why your living with (younger brother). Just like the other useless Democrats taking and using from those who work to better themselves"
5 years ago
I don't fault him because I used to be such a dickhead to him
5 years ago
Drum... are you part of the 47%?
5 years ago
lol
5 years ago
I don't get any government assistance. Bro, I'm 23 and white and have a job. Can I even apply for it?
5 years ago
* drumrave is still considered a dependent and makes more than $10k a year *
5 years ago
Are student loans considered part of the government handouts to the 47%?
5 years ago
quick test: does you have an obamaphone?
5 years ago
No. I have a job, which I used to pay for my phone.
5 years ago
I don't have student loans, but also no unless you are a publican then you are on obama's payroll if you have studnent loans
5 years ago
Apparently I'm part of the 47%, then.
5 years ago
i hate you long ago you senile old fuck
5 years ago
i hate you long time?
5 years ago
You reave now...you be here four owa
5 years ago
Downvote for this being weird. Dumps for the SAMPLE bullshit you are posting, faggot. I hope some skateboard kid pisses on you when you have a stroke, you fucking douche.
5 years ago
Fuck off.
5 years ago
Also, here is 10 more dumps for posting from the Corinthians. you faggot cunt.
5 years ago
And five more for using "Your" instead of "You're".
5 years ago
And a couple for my fantasy football team losing today.
5 years ago
awwww and he was just starting to get back into positive Mucho rep
5 years ago
but yeah fuck him
5 years ago
Stop sitting on that fence Kjirk, and say what you really mean....
5 years ago
LMAO...total melt down by Jimbo.
5 years ago
This is nowhere near 'meltdown' category, however, some bile rose in my stomach...does that count, sporto?
5 years ago
One would think that Sporty should know what true melting down is, what with his wife leaving and all.
5 years ago
lol squid's rep is actually lower then seals I.Q
5 years ago
HA!
5 years ago
Squidley you had to know how this would turn out
5 years ago
Well I'm glad as fuck I won't be seeing you there Squidley
5 years ago
I'm gonna upvote just for the fucking suicide this whole thing is. Guess Squidley fantazises about being crucified. I raise my glass to that. You gotta be very brave or very stupid to post shit like this on Mucho. (1st hand experience) Resume the pain.
5 years ago
You don't have any fucking experience.
5 years ago
that's not what your mom said...
5 years ago
hold that comeback til next week smerfuckup, I'm off.
5 years ago
Meh, ^weaksauce
5 years ago
upvotes. I'm not conforming to your non-conformists
5 years ago
If you knew we were going to hate you for the post why did you post it? You know what never mind.
5 years ago
if you dont mind, why do you comment about it?
you know what? never mind, just forget it....
5 years ago
i know squidley will have forgotten already
5 years ago
recover password
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